I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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