Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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