What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
