I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
