It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
