the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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