I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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