If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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