i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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