Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
