I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
