Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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