my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm passing your future prison.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
