so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no you cant smoke seaweed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
