I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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