She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Randomize
