I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
