i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
