He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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