If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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