so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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