I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
