she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
