the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
