8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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