i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
