I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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