I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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