I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
