dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
