I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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