Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
