Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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