Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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