guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
