um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
