If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
