can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
