I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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