I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
