yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
