i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
