everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
