Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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