So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have tasted many bathrooms
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
