he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
