so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
