she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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