u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
