There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
