the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
