she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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