okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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