You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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