Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
