He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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